Interacting with any culture is interesting. The things people say, the things they do are very telling. For instance Filipinos often attempt to catch you out in a lie, particularly when you have a relationship with a Filipino. In fact they are trying to catch her out. A common friend of ours will question each of us about our living arrangements, relationship, even why are we late. She asks me why, and I explain. At the back of my mind I know that she already knows, and sure enough when I speak to my GF, she confirms that she already told her why she was late. You might think that she probably forgot. Nope. Its the culture here. Its like a personal game. Trying to find flaws in people. Trying to catch people out.
I get the same questions in my personal life. The same questions are asked of my GF, so people can perform some reconciliation. Are we living together, are we sleeping together, are we getting married. They are very intrusive that way. Of course you don't want to satisfy their curiosity. Apart from being surprised that they are asking, you want to confirm they are really asking what they are asking, because its all smoke n mirrors in this country (body language/face gestures). Sure enough, you get a more direct question. Not to me mind you. They will only be so direct to Filipinos. Don't know why. I guess I'm an unknown. Its no pressure on me of course, I could care less what people think about my life. I'll happily tell everyone everything except my bank account. But of course this is pressure for my GF.
So why do people want to know? In a God-fearing country, you would hope they have no desire to pronounce judgement. :) Well I think that is exactly it. Everyone wants to pass a judgement. Well I actually think that is healthy. It doesn't impact on me. I dont agree with their standards or values. For the most part they are probably hypocrites anyway. Yes, I am an atheist. Ok, I get a negative judgement for that. Why are people so quick to pass judgements in this country. Is it a sense of caution. I don't get that. I think they want to prove you are a bad person so they can feel entitled to take something from you. At least sometimes. On the positive side this shows a deep moral consciousness. Maybe some Filipinos are really as God-fearing as they claim to be. They certainly have the statues of Jesus to prove it. But being so 'God-bearing', I think the consequences of that is that they have such a distorted sense of reality. They will rationalise all sorts of things. Fortunately I have a solid and trusting relationship with my GF and her family, but if I didn't I think I would feel like a stranded sailor in shark-infested waters. The sharks are out there. Fortunately my GFs family is not so close to us. Any hint that I'm leaving and I'm sure they will be aggressively breaking down the nets.
This thinking is a concern to me living in the Philippines. Filipinos are very affable. Would love to get to know them better. But I would feel a great need to be very careful to live in a community among them, unless I had a 3m high fence. The reason is that I would be the only foreigner. Which means I would need to have a personal relationship with each of them, and they would be trying to establish that. The problem is you can't. They might have plenty of time to hang around with mates, drink beer, gamble, etc, but actually like working and have plenty to do. So I dont want to get into a situation where I might be perceived as snubbing them. So the pressure of over-investing in explanations. Sorry I can't drink at 10AM in the morning, I have a lot of work to do. Sorry you can't come over tonight my GF doesn't allow visitors. Actually I don't. If I invited a friend, suddenly there would be 20, with no asset register something would be bound to disappear. Of course the chances would be worse if you had 3-4 maids, but there is a strong sense of entitlement, and if I've told one person I'm an atheist, I'm sure they all know. Miraculous how fast information travels. People actually know me from neighbouring sub-divisions. So (i) I worry when just one Filipino doesn't like me, (ii) I'm an atheist, (iii) I'm a foreigner ($$$). Its easy enough to join the dots. I'm not saying this is an attitude just of foreigners. Same for wealthy Filipinos, its just they dont look wealthy (foreign looking). But being a foreigner is just one more dot.
I get the same questions in my personal life. The same questions are asked of my GF, so people can perform some reconciliation. Are we living together, are we sleeping together, are we getting married. They are very intrusive that way. Of course you don't want to satisfy their curiosity. Apart from being surprised that they are asking, you want to confirm they are really asking what they are asking, because its all smoke n mirrors in this country (body language/face gestures). Sure enough, you get a more direct question. Not to me mind you. They will only be so direct to Filipinos. Don't know why. I guess I'm an unknown. Its no pressure on me of course, I could care less what people think about my life. I'll happily tell everyone everything except my bank account. But of course this is pressure for my GF.
So why do people want to know? In a God-fearing country, you would hope they have no desire to pronounce judgement. :) Well I think that is exactly it. Everyone wants to pass a judgement. Well I actually think that is healthy. It doesn't impact on me. I dont agree with their standards or values. For the most part they are probably hypocrites anyway. Yes, I am an atheist. Ok, I get a negative judgement for that. Why are people so quick to pass judgements in this country. Is it a sense of caution. I don't get that. I think they want to prove you are a bad person so they can feel entitled to take something from you. At least sometimes. On the positive side this shows a deep moral consciousness. Maybe some Filipinos are really as God-fearing as they claim to be. They certainly have the statues of Jesus to prove it. But being so 'God-bearing', I think the consequences of that is that they have such a distorted sense of reality. They will rationalise all sorts of things. Fortunately I have a solid and trusting relationship with my GF and her family, but if I didn't I think I would feel like a stranded sailor in shark-infested waters. The sharks are out there. Fortunately my GFs family is not so close to us. Any hint that I'm leaving and I'm sure they will be aggressively breaking down the nets.
This thinking is a concern to me living in the Philippines. Filipinos are very affable. Would love to get to know them better. But I would feel a great need to be very careful to live in a community among them, unless I had a 3m high fence. The reason is that I would be the only foreigner. Which means I would need to have a personal relationship with each of them, and they would be trying to establish that. The problem is you can't. They might have plenty of time to hang around with mates, drink beer, gamble, etc, but actually like working and have plenty to do. So I dont want to get into a situation where I might be perceived as snubbing them. So the pressure of over-investing in explanations. Sorry I can't drink at 10AM in the morning, I have a lot of work to do. Sorry you can't come over tonight my GF doesn't allow visitors. Actually I don't. If I invited a friend, suddenly there would be 20, with no asset register something would be bound to disappear. Of course the chances would be worse if you had 3-4 maids, but there is a strong sense of entitlement, and if I've told one person I'm an atheist, I'm sure they all know. Miraculous how fast information travels. People actually know me from neighbouring sub-divisions. So (i) I worry when just one Filipino doesn't like me, (ii) I'm an atheist, (iii) I'm a foreigner ($$$). Its easy enough to join the dots. I'm not saying this is an attitude just of foreigners. Same for wealthy Filipinos, its just they dont look wealthy (foreign looking). But being a foreigner is just one more dot.
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